


Summer's Almost Over

by Minna Leigh (minnaleigh)



Category: The Vicar of Dibley
Genre: F/M, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2005
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 13:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1094482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnaleigh/pseuds/Minna%20Leigh





	Summer's Almost Over

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Castiron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiron/gifts).



As Geraldine approached the church, she saw a tall man standing in the churchyard looking around. His back was to her but as she drew closer, he turned around and she stopped suddenly. Whoever this man was, he was absolutely gorgeous. He was tall and muscular and the wind had mussed up his wavy blonde hair. Even though Geraldine was too far away to tell, she was pretty sure he had lovely green eyes and the thought made her knees a little week. She brushed some crumbs off the front of her sweater, combed her fingers through her hair, and approached him.

"Are you wanting someone... something? Something. I can help you. Find something. Or, ha ha, someone." She starting blushing, embarrassed by her babbling. She forced herself to stop talking.

"You're the vicar! I recognize you from the news!" He reached out his hand, "I'm Malcolm, Malcolm Evans. It's lovely to meet you, Vicar. I was so very impressed with the way you led the protests to save Dibley."

They shook hands. "Call me Geraldine, all my fans do." He really did have amazing green eyes. She laughed in delight. "What brings you to Dibley?"

Malcolm put his hands in his pockets. "Actually, I'm thinking about moving here."

"Moving here? Here?" Geraldine's voice got loud and screechy as she repeated the question. She couldn't believe an attractive man her own age was actually considering living in the village.

"Yes. I'm a writer, a travel writer. I spend my life in hotels and I've been thinking I would like a home, a real home, not a small bedsit filled with boxes, to come back to between trips. When I saw Dibley on the news, I thought I'd come down and have a look around. It looked like such an interesting town filled with unique people"

"Unique... well, that's one way to look at it, isn't it? Yes, never a dull moment with these folks around." Under her breath, she said, "We'd better keep Frank away from you until after you're settled."

"There is another reason I'm interested in moving to Dibley." Malcolm ducked his head and looked at the ground.

Please, oh, please don't let him say his wife wants to raise the kids someplace quiet like this. "Yeah? What's that?"

Without raising his head, Malcolm looked up at Geraldine and smiled. "Perhaps we could talk about it over dinner?"

***

Geraldine and Malcolm walked into David's living room. It was almost unrecognizable under the layers of pink party decorations.

"Happy birthday, Alice." Alice threw her arms around Geraldine. "I want you to meet Malcolm Evans."

"Ooooh, we've just been dying to meet the vicar's boyfriend." Alice took a step back and looked Malcolm over. "The vicar wasn't exaggerating at all about how attractive you are!"

Geraldine glared at Alice and made a slicing gesture across her throat. "Malcolm, this is Alice Horton and her husband, Hugo." Malcolm shook hands with Alice and Hugo.

"It's nice to meet you both." Malcolm reached out and took the baby's hand. "And who might this beautiful girl be?"

"That's my goddaughter, Geraldine. Oh, look at her smile." Geraldine smiled at both the baby and Malcolm. "She likes you!" Two of her favourite people seemed to be hitting it off. Everyone watched Malcolm and the baby beam at each other for a few moments until David approached and offered Geraldine and Malcolm some whisky. Geraldine needed a drink to fortify her for this particular meeting. She introduced the two men and then Alice pulled her to one side. She hesitated about leaving David and Malcolm alone but Alice left her no choice.

Alice was chattering away about Malcolm's nose or something but Geraldine wasn't listening because she was watching Malcolm and David talking. She wished she could hear what they were saying. Malcolm was laughing but David's face wore that pained expression he usually wore when Alice was hugging him. What on earth was Malcolm saying? Had she warned him enough about David? Geraldine downed her drink in one quick swallow and excused herself, cutting short Alice's twittering.

Geraldine walked over to David and asked for a new drink. When in doubt, go for distraction. While he went off to get it, she took Malcolm by the hand and went over to Owen and Jim and made the introductions. God alone knew what the two of them were going to say but they'd probably be more merciful than David. David brought the whisky over and handed a glass to Geraldine. He hovered near the group, listening.

"Jim, I've heard some stories about you and your adventures!" Malcolm leaned in and lowered his voice. "Just man-to-man, maybe you can give me a few pointers, eh?"

"No, no, no, no, no, yes, yes, I could. I'd be glad to help!" Jim took a drink of his sherry.

Owen was watching the interaction with his face pinched like he had a bad taste in his mouth. He never liked anyone she went out with but with any luck he'd keep the offensiveness to a minimum. Malcolm turned and addressed him. "I understand that you were my competition for this lovely woman." Owen visibly puffed up with pride. Geraldine took a quick swallow of her drink to keep from contradicting Malcolm. "I can't say I wish you'd had better luck because that would mean I would have lost out but I do hope you find someone just as wonderful as my Geraldine in the future. No hard feelings, I trust?" He held out his hand and Owen shook it.

"No hard feelings at all. As long as the vicar is happy."

Geraldine felt her muscles relax, tension she hadn't even noticed disappeared. Malcolm could charm anyone. At that moment Frank approached the group and Geraldine introduced him to Malcolm.

Frank shook Malcolm's hand. "I once knew a man named Malcolm. I met him on the bus. He was a tall man, though not so tall as you, and he wore a blue shirt. Not a sky blue and not as dark as a navy blue..."

Recognizing the signs of one of Frank's long, boring stories, Geraldine backed away from the conversation. Only Malcolm stayed to hear Frank out. Geraldine though briefly about rescuing him but decided to wait until the story was closer to being over.

David poured himself a drink. " I don't know if I trust that man."

Geraldine's hand tightened around her glass and she opened her mouth but Owen spoke first. "That is a good man. And if he makes the vicar happy, that's all that matters, you bitter bald man."

"I want the vicar to be happy just as much as the rest of you, but there's something wrong with that man," David said.

Alice put her arm around David's waist. "Well, fatherest-in-law, you don't have to worry about him being a bad man because baby Geraldine likes him. Babies know all about people, they have some kind of special instinct. There was this one time when my grandmother's daughter's daughter..."

"Your cousin?" asked Geraldine.

"No, actually, it was my sister."

Geraldine and David rolled their eyes and they each took a drink. There was no point in even trying to explain to Alice how stupid that sounded.

Alice continued on with her story. "Anyway, when she was a baby, she spat up on my uncle and 3 years later, he left the seat up on the loo. I mean, it just goes to show you."

***

When the bell rang, Geraldine rushed to the door, expecting to see Malcolm. When she found David instead, her face fell.

"Geraldine, we need to talk." David's mouth was pinched into a thin line.

Geraldine's stomach dropped. She stood back from the door. "Come on in, then. What's the matter?" What have I done now?

David strode through the doorway and into the living room. "There's something distinctly odd about your Mr. Evans."

"What, you mean that he's in love with me?" Geraldine's hands rested on her hips. This was truly not the attitude of a friend. "That's so hard to believe?"

"Not at all. Not at all." David paced in front of the desk. "He says he's a writer but there are no travel writers named Malcolm Evans." David ticked each point off on his fingers. "He does not work for any major travel magazine. There are no travel guides published under that name. No books at all by Malcolm Evans, in fact, except for a guide to International Law published by the Oxford Press but that was written by Malcolm D. Evans and your Romeo's middle name is Thomas- T, not D!" David stopped pacing and turned to face Geraldine. "What do you have to say to that?"

"Really, David, this is quite shocking." Geraldine crossed her arms and shook her head. She almost felt sorry for him.

"I knew you would agree..." David smiled in triumph.

"I'm shocked that you would go to such lengths to try to destroy my relationship with Malcolm." Geraldine leaned forward. Her heart was racing and she had to clench her hands to keep from throwing something. "So he writes under a pen name, so what? I can't believe you're letting your jealousy run away with you like this. Just because Malcolm is the first man I've dated since I jilted you."

"You didn't jilt me... we made a responsible, joint decision that any involvement between the two of us was a bad idea." David was no longer looking directly at her.

If David wasn't so uptight, she'd seriously be wondering what he'd been smoking. "What? What?"

Anything else Geraldine might have had to say was cut short by the sound a key in the door. "That's him now, you just keep quiet."

"But..."

She didn't want Malcolm to walk in on this craziness. "Nooo!" Geraldine put her hand out like she was trying to stop traffic.

Malcolm walked into the room with a box in his hands. "Sorry I'm late, sweetheart." He bent down and kissed Geraldine. "I made a stop at a store to get you a little present and when I was about to get back into the car, I thought I heard something crying. I went looking around a field and I found some abandoned kittens."

Geraldine looked over at David and raised her eyebrows while gesturing at the box. See? "Malcolm lifted the box slightly and Geraldine could hear some soft mewing sounds.

"I had to go get a box and rescue them. I just couldn't leave them out there all alone." He reached into the box and pulled out a kitten and handed it to Geraldine. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I should have called."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. Oh, the poor little things." She cupped the kitten against her chest and smoothed its fur.

David stood watching them coo over the kittens. "I can't believe you're falling for that pathetic story. He probably picked them up at a pet shop."

"D'you want to check them, David? Maybe he forgot and left one of the price stickers on!" She held out the spotted kitten to him.

"No, thank you just the same. I have to be going. I'll see myself out." David left the room. Geraldine watched after him until she heard the door shut. She hoped he'd go back to being reasonable soon. Well, as reasonable as David ever was.

Malcolm took the spotted kitten out of Geraldine's hand and gently placed it back in the box. "Let me show you my favourite." He pulled out a tiny orange kitten with a red bow around its neck. "She- or he, I don't really know- is holding your present."

Geraldine took the orange kitten and tipped it upside down and turned it around. How does a kitten hold a present. She stopped. She looked up at Malcolm. "That almost looks like a ring."

"It is a ring."

***

Geraldine walked into the living room. It was a gorgeous morning. She was humming to herself. "Good morning!" She addressed the picture of Jesus on the wall above her desk. "What's this?" She picked up an envelope with her name written on it that was on top of the desk. It felt heavy and when she opened it and dumped it out, her spare keys fell onto the desk. There was also a letter.

'Geraldine,

I'm sure that you've seen this coming so it will be no surprise that things are coming to a close for the two of us. We've had a few laughs but I think it has become apparent that we are not right for each other in a long term capacity. I will always care for you a great deal. I wish you all the best. A clichd sentiment, I know, but a heartfelt one.

Malcolm

P.S. Please forward my belongings and the ring to the following address.'

Geraldine's heart stopped for a moment before it began pounding rapidly. She felt like she was underwater, the weight heavy on her body and all sounds muffled. What did this mean? Why was this happening? Last night everything was great. She was confused, like she'd missed an television episode containing a crucial piece of information.

"Seen this coming? Seen this coming? Do you hear that, Jesus? Seen this coming? No, in fact, I bloody well did not see this coming."

Geraldine walked over to the couch and sat down, the letter still clutched in one hand. She looked down at it and read it over again but it made no more sense than it had the first time. Carefully she folded it up and put it back into the envelope. She wasn't going to find any answers on that piece of paper.

"For whose best, do you suppose? Hmmm? At the moment it doesn't feel much like it's for my best." Her voice caught and she wiped away a tear with the sleeve of her sweater. She sat for a few moments staring the boldly written letters of her name on the envelope. The doorbell rang.

"Yoohoo, Vicar! Are you awake and decent? No hanky-panky-wanky going on in there at the moment?" Alice's voice sounded muffled through the door.

As Geraldine walked over to the door, she tucked the letter away in her pocket. She stopped and checked herself in the mirror before she let Alice in. Funny, she didn't look like someone had just taken a hammer to her heart.

"Vicar, I have a bone to pick with you." Alice shook a finger at Geraldine in a playful, scolding motion. "Why didn't you tell me you were an heiress? Naughty, naughty girl! No sweets for you!"

Alice's latest bit of insanity should prove distracting, at least. "What are you talking about, me an heiress? That's absurd." Geraldine and Alice walked into the living room.

"Malcolm told me. We were talking last night while you were at the parish meeting." Alice twirled her hair between her fingers. "At first I thought he said hairless and that made no sense but then I realized that maybe you are hairless some place that's not the top of your head, if you know what I mean, and I told him 'I do not want to hear about any pervy things between you and the vicar! If she shaves...' And he said, 'Not hairless, you nitwit, heiress!'" He said you were the daughter of Reginald Granger and he invented some new and improved method to flocculate, whatever that is, that made him millions and millions of pounds and he left you his fortune." Alice flung her arms around Geraldine. "I didn't even know your dad was dead! Poor, little, orphaned, rich, vicar!"

Did I never tell Malcolm about my father? "My father is not dead, you little fool!" Geraldine extricated herself from Alice's hug. "And if I were an heiress, I'd be swimming in Quality Street twice a week, preferably with Sean Bean, not dragging myself round to parish council meetings with a Crunchie bar tucked into my vestements." Geraldine flung herself down on the couch.

"You're not an heiress?" Alice chewed on one of her fingernails.

Geraldine shook her head. "No, I'm not."

"So I was right, then. I told Malcolm that you couldn't be an heiress because you'd almost married my father-in-law for his money before you broke his heart! If you were an heiress, why would you have agreed to marry him? That made no sense."

Other things were just beginning to make sense. "No sense at all. Could you put on some tea, Alice?"

After Alice had left the room, Geraldine reached into her pocket and fingered the letter. 'Not right for each other.' Not rich enough for him was more like it. She didn't know if this was better or worse.

***

Geraldine sat at her desk with a pot of tea next to her. In one hand she held a maple-flavoured Coffee Crisp. She opened the bar and went to take a bite. The smell of maple wafted up from the bar. Canadians had odd ideas about chocolate. Odd, but tasty. She stopped and looked up at the picture of Jesus. "I know, I know, it sounds frightful but it's actually really tasty. Quite addictive, in fact." She took a bite. "What we need is a plan. A plan for revenge. Yes, yes, I know, turn the other cheek and all of that. I'll do this without your help, then."

After thinking for a minute, she wrote 'Inherit loads of money from someone, find trophy husband, rub Malcolm's face in it.' She took a bite of her chocolate bar and chewed. The only person she knew with any money was David and she didn't think she'd quite made it into his will. She crossed the idea out and tapped the pen on the pad for a few moments. 'Have pizzas sent to him.' Not bad. Not great, but not bad. The doorbell rang and she got up to answer the door. "Jim and Frank! Just who I was hoping to see."

"You're sounding most cheerful, Vicar," Frank looked surprised.

"No, no, no, no, no, yes, you do. We came to cheer you up." Jim smoothed the front of his shirt. "And here you are not needing us at all."

If she could get revenge, she'd be quite cheerful indeed. "Actually, if you have a few minutes, maybe you could come in and help me with something." She stood back from the door and gestured for them to go ahead of her into the living room.

"We'd love to!"

"No, no, no, no, no, yes, what can we do?" Frank and Jim sat down on the couch while Geraldine sat in the desk chair facing them.

She hoped this didn't sound entirely crazy. Although, given the audience, she was probably safe. "Well, I'll tell you, boys, I'm sitting here trying to concoct a scheme for revenge." Geraldine picked up her list from the desk. "After ruling out following Malcolm all over the world ensuring that he never again gets so much as a snog, the only idea I have is sending 100 pizzas to Malcolm's apartment and that just doesn't have very much zing to it. What do you think? Do you have any ideas to make him miserable?"

"No, no, no, no, no, I've got it!" Jim stood up. He smacked his together several times while bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. "Hire a stripper and send it to him at work"

Frank shook his head. "That's not going to make him miserable, it'll make him popular. What she should do is call him up and tell him that she's pregnant!"

"The vicar is pregnant?!?" Jim reached out and took the chocolate out of Geraldine's hands. "No, no, no, no, no, that's not good for the baby!"

"I'm not pregnant!" She grabbed the chocolate back. "Both of you get out! Now!" She hustled them out of the living room and out the front door. As the door was closing, Owen pushed it open again and walked in.

"Vicar, I am here to console you." Geraldine knew what that meant. "At times like these it's important for a woman to know that she is still attractive to men." Oh, yes, here it comes. "As a man, I have come here to have sex with you." She braced herself.

Owen lunged for Geraldine but she stepped to one side and he fell.

"Is that a no, then? Bugger me." He stood up and dusted himself off. "Well, the offer is always open." He turned to leave.

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind." She closed the door behind Owen and leaned against it. She thought she actually felt less like an attractive woman each time Owen made his offer. The bell rang. She sighed.

She opened the door and saw David standing there. She knew this was coming. It was probably best to just get it over with. "Are you here to gloat? Take some pleasure in watching me be miserable?"

"Of course not. If anyone knows what it's like to have an engagement ended, I do. There's no pleasure for me in seeing you hurt." David looked earnestly at Geraldine. "May I come in?"

Geraldine stood back from the door, wordlessly inviting him in. They walked into the living room together and sat on the couch.

"How are you doing, Geraldine?" David's voice was soft and serious.

If he was going to be nice, she was going to have to work harder not to cry. "Oh, I'm fine really. Working on a few plans for revenge. Want a Coffee Crisp?" She started to get up but David put his hand on her arm.

"You aren't going to do anything rash."

"Aren't I? Aren't I?" Geraldine was almost shouting but David didn't flinch.

"No, you're a better person than that. And you have the best revenge already. Your life is happier and more full than his will ever be. You have people around you who love you for who you are, even when you're honest with them." David squeezed her arm. "Even when you break their hearts or call them dim-witted."

Geraldine thought about Alice pushing chocolate through the letter slot three times the day before. And Owen's offer to make her feel like an attractive woman again. And Frank and Jim's inept attempt to help her plan revenge. She looked at David, a better friend than she could have imagined when she first met him.

She put her hand over David's. He was right, she already had the best revenge. "It is a full and happy life. We should celebrate! I'll get the ice cream." She stood up and walked toward the kitchen. At the door she turned and looked at him. "Thank you, David."

 


End file.
